I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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