just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize