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checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i walk over a car last night?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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