Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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