You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
