READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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