You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
So is that a yes?