so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early