I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.