I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
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I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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