I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
