lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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