now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
