one two three fourrrrnication!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
