I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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