The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
