Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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