Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
