so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it's like iHOP with fire
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
