Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
