the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
