ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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