Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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