jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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