I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
