if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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