Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
