i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
