But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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