all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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