I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
