Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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