i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
