i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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