I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
