I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
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Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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