apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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