I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My cat gives me a boner
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
