Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
