i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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