make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
