hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
