maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
