What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
