I feel great
I just peed on a car
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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