brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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