Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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