Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
