Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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