I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Randomize
