I heard we made out
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
