Im at strip club and am horny
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
FUCK WHALES
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
