so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
