I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
