she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
