Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
