Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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