So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
