Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
