I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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